A better world in 5 easy steps
1 min readMar 5, 2015
- Everyone agrees to hug with right arm up, left arm down.
- Paper receipts print only upon request.
- Local news stations stop reporting on stabbings and apartment fires, unless the stabbing happened in an apartment fire, cuz like, damn, that’s messed up and we should know.
- The IRS adopts the progressive “pay what you want” model. I think it worked for Radiohead.
- If you own a restaurant that serves soft bread before the meal, STOP SERVING THE LITTLE CHILLED BUTTER BRICKS WITH IT, I MEAN SRSLY, HAVE YOU EVER TRIED SPREADING THAT SHIT? No, you haven’t, because if you had you would have stabbed yourself with your dull butter knife because there’s nothing like being at a fancy dinner with fancy people and trying to pry the little rock of butter out of the bread you just smooshed it into while trying unsuccessfully to spread it and then being like oh screw it guess I’ll just eat a bite of butter and hope I don’t die right here but secretly wishing you would cuz you just wanted one god damned bite of bread with a reasonable amount of butter on it but apparently that’s too much to ask so sayonara.
